dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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