Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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