i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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