my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
