"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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