you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You've changed since you got that strap on
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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