Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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