I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
