oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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