dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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