Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
