I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
