I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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