the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We got so high we made milksteak
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
