We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
