I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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