he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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