You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
