the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
