Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You made out with two different species that night
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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