what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
