I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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