I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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