So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I am naked and annoyed.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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