Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
