I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
