yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
