Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
