If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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