Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
