Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
