I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
