I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
