That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
