There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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