I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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