I want to have your abortion
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
bring money and cleavage
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
third nipple confirmed
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
