he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
