All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
