You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
