I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
