You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
