Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
