It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
