if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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