While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
