Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
