Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
