he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
