what if every blade of grass was a penis?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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