He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
