I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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