3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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