so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
