I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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