I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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