I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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