Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
